your thong is hanging out like whoa
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
