loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
