I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
