So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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