I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
