I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
