Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize