Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
