I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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