it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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