the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
