We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
