i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
