last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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