Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
