I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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