I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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