my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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