If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
