I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
COCAINE IS GR8
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
