Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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