It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
