The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
