Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
