I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
