Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
