I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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