dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
