i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
