Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
