SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
