Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
