If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
