I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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