I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
