Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
