Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
