we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
