Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
a search helicopter?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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