just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
