And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
