that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
