Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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