it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
