I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had sex on a roof
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
