I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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