Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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