Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
