So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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