me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
