Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would fuck him just for his dog
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