If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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