Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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