I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
