If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My life is pants optional.
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