What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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