my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
