The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
