We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
