if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
