My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's rum buckets o'clock
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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