I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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