Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
