Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
