just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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