You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
