I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
