She is in my trunk
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
