I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
