Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
