dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
