I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
