I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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