not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
