I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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