'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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