some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
